I do think though, that we've lost the ability to properly communicate with one another. We've become accustomed to taking in lots of data at a 'skin deep' level. To effectively scan-read through the day. As we're bombarded with information, our minds filter out the noise to let us take in the 'important' bits... It's amazing really when you think about how much information that washes over us throughout any given day.
Take for example a 1 hour drive to work. As you switch on the ignition the radio comes on and soon delivers the news of the hour. The SatNav tells us where we are, where to go and to perform a U-Turn as soon as possible (OK that one might just be me...). The phone rings and we speak to a colleague, which may spawn the need for other calls and some of us, although not me naturally officer, even check emails, text messages and apps on their smartphone of choice.
And this is besides breakfast on the run, a buzz-over with the electric shaver and a coffee balanced on one knee. Has to be one knee, the other one is steering. Kidding. I don't do that anymore, honest!
And that's just in the car. When we arrive at our destination we can't remember the journey. The reason for this is that our brains filter out all but the vital information.
I often feel that many days communication is like this whether we're in the car or not. A colleague drops by to tell us something but we're distracted by the blinking light on our phone, or the envelope that pops up on the screen to tell we have yet more email. We find ourselves nodding, say uh huh, whilst wondering what we missed.
When I finish work of an evening and spend those first few minutes with the family it's vital that I have every other distraction out of the way. No phone, newspaper or TV news report to distract me from the important things that have happened that day.
Most of the time anyway.... I've lost count of the number of times I've been told "I did tell you" or "you clearly don't listen". I listened, but didn't hear. I was distracted. My brain filtered out something that was actually very important. If not to me at that point in time, to my wife or children. That's not a good thing! Sometimes the amazing systems of filters put in place by the human mind let us down.
The shocking truth is that we all do this every day whether we're aware of it not, to some extent. We filter out 'noise' and focus, sometimes fleetingly, on that moment's important thing. We miss huge red flags that friends, family and colleagues are waving in our faces (see Opportunity post).
On a particularly dark note, what's the most common reaction from family, colleagues and employers when someone commits suicide? It's "we didn't see the signs", "we had no idea" and "it's all just such a shock". But should we have seen the signs, had an idea, or feel genuinely shocked? The signs will have been there in many cases. We 'choose' not to see them. Filters are powerful things. That and we were just too involved with other matters.
This is an extreme example, but over the next few days I'm going to redouble my efforts to give people my undivided attention when they want to speak. This doesn't mean dropping everything the minute someone appears, but rather, when I'm supposed to be speaking to that person, they have my undivided attention.
Communication can be a magical thing. We do it every day yet miss so much of what is being said or conveyed.
I'm lucky in that I'm involved in an organisation that specialises in teaching advanced communication skills. Another opportunity to take some of my own medicine I suspect!
If you'd like to know more about what clear, concise, honest communication can do for you and your business, please feel free to get in touch via a comment here or through the contact form on the Acquire site.
Thanks again for stopping by.
Hey Andrew - You have nailed modern American society on the nose! We ARE so bombarded with so much stimulation on all fronts almost every minute of every day. But simply being conscious of that fact is the first vital step of filtering the UN-important stuff and making it a priority to give our full attention to what is most important at that moment in time. It's sad that a majority of our thoughts and personal attention are usually on either what has already passed or what MAY lie ahead somewhere in the future. Joy comes when we learn to live in the now!
ReplyDelete